In just under 40 days I will be marrying Pelumi, starting a whole new family and losing my last name (Sure as Bolorunduro won't really work, I may have to think of something else). Now that its getting closer I'm so excited - I feel like I'm caught up in that cloud nine feeling I felt for the first few weeks after we got engaged. And I think that blissful feeling would have returned sooner if it wasn't for one slightly sad but very true fact.
I hate wedding planning.
I hate the horrible realisation that you actually can't invite and include everyone, and the guilt that comes with it. It makes me angry that you are forced into spending money to make an important commitment to eachother, however low-key you choose to go. I get so frustrated by the fact that everyone tells you to do what you want and to stop trying to please everyone, but the minute you do, you're met with replies like: 'Well that won't work' or ' You can't do it like that."
When will there ever be another time where I have to pretend to be an expert on colour co-ordination, event planning, floristry and bridal fashion and accessories? I'm realising even as I'm writing that so much of the pressure (and definitely the stress) is an unnecessary weight that I tend to burden myself with, and in reality the expectations of other people aren't really what I think they are. But it still feels like there is a very real pressure to have it all up to 'wedding standard'.
I'm just so thankful to God for amazing breakthroughs and blessings, like having an amazingly talented and creative sister-in-law to be who has helped with almost everything, having a best friend in Cornwall to keep me organised and sane, bridesmaids who have been completely anti-diva, finding a wedding dress and seamstress that make my purse happy, and so many other things.
I can't wait to be married, and I know on the day I will be on cloud nine again. All of this pressure really is nothing compared to the happiness of our wedding day. Two and a half years of long distance were gruelling. After so much impatient waiting, knowing that we're almost at the finish line (although its really arriving at a new starting line) feels good.
But this particular 'season' is hard, so to see you through, here is some advice:
So many people tell you: 'It's your day, you're the bride, do everything how you want.' Truthfully, I don't think that actually works in practice. Not only does it mean you exclude your families from sharing the joy, anyone who is about to get married can use an opportunity to learn to give and take and put others before yourself. Of course you need to make big decisions together on your own, but don't underestimate the massive help other people can be to you.
Plan early and start with planning your money. I have been genuinely disgusted with the way magazines sell you these images of a wedding day where the light is perfect and the theme is more original and funny than anything else you've seen before. If you appreciate things that are beautiful and well put together like me, it can be so disappointing when you find out that it costs thousands to put a day like that together. I had to decide that I wasn't going to let the beautiful pictures steal my happiness, because starting off the first year of our marriage without debt is more important than having a beautiful day. (And if you live under a rock and haven't heard of Pinterest, as addictive as it is, it has hundreds of cheap DIYs).
Talk about how you want to do everything at length. Don't get halfway into your plans and realise there was a simpler/cheaper way of doing it. Do your research, once you start booking things its not easy to change your plans.
Remember to be in love. I am so blessed to be marrying someone who will still make me laugh and hold my hand, even at times when it feels more like we're business partners planning a corporate event than best friends who are in love. As a good friend keeps reminding me: "Keep the main thing the main thing." (And thanks to the wonderful couple who gave them that advice a year ago.)
See you again, probably as Mrs Bolorunduro. (Eek!)
